Unforgiven (Wanderers #3) Page 9

  “You’re amazing.”

  “I think you should be okay now,” I said blushing. Even after all this time Tristan had a way to make me blush.

  He got up slowly, just as a precaution, and then smiled. He walked over to the bathroom and then stopped. “I don’t suppose you have some clean clothes I could change into?”

  “I’ll go next door and ask Dean and Billy if they have something you can wear.”

  “Dean and Billy are here?”

  “Yep, and Josie.”

  “Josie? I thought…”

  “We have a lot to talk about.”

  “Right…You know, if you change your mind that offer is still good?” I looked at him wondering, what offer? “To join me in the shower,” he winked and smiled cockily. I just rolled my eyes. I should have known better. “Hey Ella, promise me you’ll still be here when I’m done.”

  “Tristan, I promise I’m not going anywhere,” I smiled. When I knew he was okay, I left for the boy’s room to see if they had any clothes Tristan could borrow.

  Before they could bombard me with questions I let them know he was awake and fine and so was I. No cause for panic. I told them that it did take some convincing that he wasn’t dreaming, but once he hopped on the sane train, all was good. I asked the boys if they had some clothes he could borrow once he was out of the shower. Billy gave me a few t-shirts and sweats for Tristan to wear in the mean time until we could get him more clothes. I also let them know that they no longer needed to worry and can rest comfortably tonight.

  “So if we hear any screams we know he’s not killing you,” Josie said with a smile. I pushed her back in the room and closed the door.

  When I got back I heard Tristan was still in the shower so I quickly changed into some pajamas before he got out. I forgot about my shoulder until I slipped on my shirt. I winced and then tried to look in the mirror at the damage. “What is it?” Tristan asked, coming out of the bathroom.

  “I cut my shoulder on some glass back at the bar when I…” I stopped when I saw he was standing there wearing only a towel. His body was dripping wet and I couldn’t stop staring.

  “When you?” he prompted me to finish.

  “That’s not important.” My eyes traveled up and down his body unable to look away, but thankfully he was too concerned about my injury to notice.

  “Come here,” he said, holding out his hand. He led me over to the bed and gestured for me to have a seat. He sat behind me and pressed his hand lightly to my shoulder. The heat sent shivers down my spine. “Better?” he asked. Before I could answer he started to trace his fingers along the tattoos on my shoulder. “When did you get these?”

  “Um, after I thought…” I trailed off not able to finish the sentence. I sighed and leaned back into him. He wrapped his arms around me and I melted into his embrace. Feeling overwhelmed with everything I let myself go and began to cry.

  “Hey, don’t do that.” He turned me around, forcing me to face him.

  “I’m sorry. I just thought I’d never see you again and when Jack told me you were alive and here. There was always a part of me that still held on to you. Hoping one day I’d see you again. Oh Tristan so much has happened and I have so much to tell you.” I threw my arms around him tight, needing his embrace.

  “Shh my love, we have plenty of time for that,” he said, gently stroking my hair. “Why don’t you order some room service while I get dressed and then we can talk about everything that happened?” I nodded even though I wasn’t really hungry. I handed him the clothes from Billy and waited until he came out of the bathroom. When he did, I decided I needed to tell him something before I lost all nerve. Something I’ve been wanting to tell him for a while, but never could.

  “Tristan, there’s something I need to tell you that can’t wait. Something I should have told you a long time ago, but never had the courage to.”

  “You’re not going to tell me you used to be a man, are you?”

  “Tristan, be serious,” I said and then paused when I remembered Roman had made the same joke before. Seriously, nothing about me was manly.

  “Ella, what is it?”

  I took a breath, looking into his beautiful blue eyes. “Tristan, I love you.” The moment it left my lips it never felt so right.

  “I love you too,” he said nonchalantly, like it was no big deal.

  “No Tristan, you’re not listening to me. I…Love…You, I love you,” I repeated as the tears started to spill down my cheeks again.

  He closed the distance between us, pausing just inches from my face. “You know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that,” he said, pressing his forehead to mine. “Please don’t toy with me. Don’t say it because you think you want me to hear it.”

  “I’m sorry. I should have said it a long time ago, but I was just too scared to admit it. I’m not lying. I mean it with all my heart.”

  He pulled back and started shaking his head. “No. You don’t. This isn’t real. This is a dream. I know it is. This isn’t real.” He just kept shaking his head back and forth. “Stop lying to me, stop.” He clenched his fist against his head and started to hit himself.

  “Tristan, stop.” I tried to grab his hands, but he quickly pulled away. “Tristan.” He looked like a crazy person. I had no idea what happened. It was like a switch had flipped and he was a completely different person. I took a step closer to him. “Tristan, stop.”

  “No!” he yelled and I froze. “I need to wake up. I need to wake up.” He repeated over and over again smacking his head.

  “Tristan…you’re scaring me.”

  “Why are you torturing me? You moved on. You told me you had to go. Why come back and pretend to be real and make me feel?” He pounded his chest. He turned and grabbed onto the dresser, gripping it so hard his knuckles turned white. “I don’t want to feel anymore. I can’t, I don’t…stop torturing me,” he screamed and knocked everything off the dresser and flipped it over on the floor.

  I flinched and took a step back. He turned on me and had a wild look in his eyes, dangerous. For a moment I was actually afraid of him. Afraid he might attack me. His eyes bored into mine and he was in front of me in a flash, gripping my arms tight.

  “Ella!” Dean yelled from behind the door. I saw a small flash in Tristan’s eyes. He closed his eyes and when he opened them he let go of me and backed up. “Ella, open the door or I’m busting it down!”

  “It’s open.” Dean and Billy came charging into the room, Josie not far behind. Cameron decided to keep her distance by staying in the hall.

  Dean instantly came rushing over to me. “Are you hurt? What happened?” he demanded. I had a hard time keeping my eyes off of Tristan long enough to answer. “Ella,” Dean shook me.

  Tristan let out a low growl and crouched down. Dean pushed me behind him and stood in front of me protectively. “No,” I said, trying to push Dean out of my way.

  “Ella, you need to back away from him,” Billy said calmly.

  “What’s going on?” Josie asked scared.

  “He thinks he’s dreaming,” I said. “He was fine one minute and then the next he just freaked. He doesn’t believe me this is real.”

  “Tristan,” Billy said. Tristan turned to Billy and let out another low growl. “He hasn’t fed in weeks, maybe months even.” Billy took a step back. “Was he just rambling, not really making any sense?” I nodded not knowing if Billy even noticed. He never took his eyes off of Tristan. “He’s delusional. When you don’t feed for long periods of time the mind starts to deteriorate and you lose comprehension of what’s real and what’s not.”

  “Why would someone go that long without feeding then?” Josie asked.

  I took a step in front of Dean and put my hand up when he went to stop me. “He said he didn’t want to feel anymore,” I said. It felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces. He didn’t want to feel because of me. Why do I always hurt the people I loved the most? “Everybody out.”

  “Ella, ar
e you nuts? We’re not leaving you here alone with this homicidal maniac,” Dean protested.

  “He’s not homicidal. He’s just confused,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “Ella.”

  “Out now,” I said more stern, but Dean refused to move. “I can handle him. I know what to do. Now get out before I make you get out,” I growled.

  “She’s right. If anyone can handle Tristan it’s Ella.” Tristan turned his head at the sound of Josie’s voice. He smiled as if remembering when he bit her. He had a malicious look in his eyes like he was about to attack. “I think we should leave. All of us being here is making him on edge,” Josie said, slowly backing away. She saw the way Tristan was looking at her and she no longer wanted to be in the same room with him.

  “Dean, just please, go,” I said, trying one last time before I had to use force. “He won’t hurt me.”

  I Knew Dean didn’t want to go, but Billy told him he agreed with Josie. One by one they slowly left the room leaving me alone with Tristan. I put my hand up and locked the door where I stood, just in case. Then I turned to face Tristan. I took a small step toward him. He flinched and took one back. “Tristan, I’m not going to hurt you, but you have to calm down and listen to me carefully.” I took another small step toward him. “You are not dreaming.” He growled at me and I put my hands up.

  I knew I had to think of something else quick. I remembered there was still some left over blood Billy had stock for me in the fridge. I never finished it. I just had to manage to get to the fridge and get the bottle to him before he lost it and turned on me. “Okay, I’m going to walk over here and get you something to drink,” I said, keeping my hands up.

  He followed me with his eyes and took a step toward the bed. I slowly opened the fridge and as soon as he got a whiff his eyes started to glow. I froze for a second. He took a step closer to me and then another. I looked in the fridge. There was one bottle left. Hopefully that would be enough for the time being. I reached in and took out the bottle. Then I slowly moved toward him.

  He flew at me in a flash and took the bottle from my hands draining it to the last drop. When he was done he dropped the bottle and recognition flashed in his eyes again. He fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands. “What have I done?” he cried.

  I knelt down in front of him. “Tristan…Tristan, look at me.”

  “I can’t,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m too ashamed.”

  I knew I had to convince him to listen to me before he turned again. If he really hadn’t fed as long as Billy said that small amount of blood wouldn’t be enough. He might start to lose his mind again. “Tristan, you did nothing wrong. Please look at me.” I pulled his hands away from his face. He had tears in his eyes. I helped him up and led him over to the bed and sat down. “Tristan, you need to feed. That’s the only way you’re going to understand what’s going on.”

  “No, I’m fine now.”

  “That wasn’t enough,” I said, wondering where I was going to get more. Then it hit me. The only way I was going to be able to bring him back and have him truly believe I loved him was to let him fed from me. “Tristan,” I turned his face toward me. “I want you to bite me.”

  “No,” he stood up from the bed. “I won’t.”

  “It’s the only way I can convince you I’m telling you the truth. It’s the only way for you to know how I truly feel.”

  “Ella I can’t,” he said, backing away.

  “Yes you can.” I stood up and moved toward him.

  “Ella, you don’t know what you’re asking. I haven’t fed in months. Not since…” I took his hand knowing exactly when he was talking about. “I could…I could kill you.”

  “No you won’t. I trust you. It’s the only way,” I said, tightening my grip on his hand. I brushed my hair off my shoulder and tilted my head to the side.

  “Ella…please,” he begged.

  “It’s the only way you’ll believe me that this is real. That my feelings for you are real.” I knew he wouldn’t do it voluntarily so I cut my neck with my nail – taking the expression hard as nails to a whole new level. I took a step closer, allowing the blood to trickle down my neck. He resisted at first, but I knew all too well the call of it was hard not to give into. The aroma, when it first hits your nose. The sound of it pumping through the veins and steady beat of the heart pounding in your chest.

  Tristan’s eyes glowed and his fangs came down on my neck. He bit down so hard I flinched and had to remind myself to not pull away. It was rough at first, but then the sensation hit me like a wave. I opened up my mind so he could see inside. So he would know how I felt, truly felt about him and know once and for all he wasn’t dreaming.

  He wrapped his arms around me. Gentle at first and then he pulled me in tighter, deepening his fangs. I opened my mouth and gasped at the wonderful sensation. I thought I was going to faint – not from the loss of blood, but from the way I was feeling.

  My body started to go limp and Tristan pulled back instantly. “Ella?” he said panicked. I smiled lazily and reached up to touch his face. My head was spinning and I was in a total state of bliss. Tristan picked me up and carried me to the bed. “Oh Ella, I’m so sorry. I never should have –”

  “Shh,” I said, pressing my finger to his lips. “You’re killing my buzz.” I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy my euphoria. When I opened my eyes Tristan was staring at me with a worried expression. I sat up slowly, still a little dazed. I placed my hands on the sides of his face and pulled his lips to mine, pulling him down on top of me.

  He pulled back and just looked at me. “Ella, I had no idea…I’m sorry you had to hurt like that. If I would have known you know I would have…”

  “I know Tristan,” I said softly.

  “Ella, I’m sorry I hurt you.”

  “It’s not your fault. Let’s not talk about it. I’m just glad you now know how I truly feel about you.”

  “I do,” he smiled.

  “I love you Tristan.”

  “I love you too la mia bella stella.”

  Chapter Seven

  I knew it was wrong, but at the moment it felt so right. I wasn’t sure if you would call it cheating because technically Tristan was my boyfriend, even though I did breakup with him, but then we got back together – sorta – and then he died, but not really. I was also pretty sure after our conversation, Roman wanted nothing to do with me, but it still felt wrong. I didn’t know where we stood and I couldn’t do this not knowing.

  I pulled back. “Tristan,” he smiled and started to kiss my neck. “Tristan, we need to stop.” He continued to kiss my neck. “Tristan, you have to stop that. It’s really distracting.”

  “You really want me to stop?”

  No, I didn’t, but I had to. I didn’t think I could tell him the real reason, but I knew I had to stop him before it went further. “Tristan, can we just talk, for a little.”

  He paused. I could still feel his breath on my neck. He pulled back slowly. I was afraid to look at him. “You want to talk?”

  “Yes. I just think we need to wait. I mean, I just found you and there’s so much I want to tell you.”

  He sighed, sitting up. “Okay, let’s talk, while I undress you.”

  “Tristan,” I rolled my eye and tried not to smile. “I just can’t right now.” He looked at me a little concerned. “Please…for me.”

  “Okay.” He tried to smile, but I could still see the disappointment on his face.

  That hurt more than I thought it would. I finally found him and all I could do was sit there and stare. I wanted to do so much more. I wanted him to hold me in his arms and tell me he would never let me go. I wanted him to tell me we would be together and this was the start of our new life, but in the back of my head I had that little voice that kept whispering Roman’s name.

  I let out a sigh and got up off the bed. I walked past the mirror and caught a glimpse of the bite marks Tristan had left on my neck. I didn’t realize had badly he had bitt
en down until I saw how swollen and bruised I was. I pointed to the two small puncture wounds on my neck. “Do you mind?”

  He got and joined me by the dresser. Then he placed his hand gently on my neck. “You know how stupid that was? I could have killed you.” He pulled his hand away from my healed neck, looking at me concerned. I tried to smile, but it felt forced. We stood there silently for a moment. Not sure where to go from there. “What is so pressing that it can’t wait until tomorrow?” he asked.

  “I just…I mean, why rush?”

  I knew he could tell I was hiding something, but he didn’t push. “Alright, if you want to talk, let’s talk.”

  He looked back over at the bed. “How about we sit here,” I said, gesturing to the couch.

  He looked at me funny, but didn’t argue. He took my hands and pulled me over to the couch to have a seat. I had a seat at the opposite end of the couch not able to trust myself. “Is everything okay?” I nodded afraid my voice would betray me. “Then why do I feel like you’re trying to pull away from me?”

  “I’m not…I…it’s just all so real I still can’t believe it.” That was the truth at least.

  “Come here.” He held out his arms for me. I reluctantly slid next to him and allowed him to wrap his arms around me. I was more confused than ever. I loved Tristan. I wanted to be with him, but I still loved Roman too. I felt like my heart was being ripped in half. I clenched my fists close to my chest fighting back the tears. Tristan wrapped his arms around me tighter sensing my pain. He just held me for a little while. When I felt like I could breathe again, he let me go. “Tell me what’s going on with you.”

  “Where do you want me to start?”

  “Well I already know you have the power to heal.”

  “Um, yeah, that’s not all.” He looked at me confused. “I can also move things with my mind.” I demonstrated by moving one of the pillows from the bed over to me. I hugged it tightly to my chest for comfort, putting some distance between Tristan and me.

  “That’s not uncommon to have more than one.”